|Photo by Patricia Herlevi, 2011|
This is actually what the ascension process does. All Spiritual Masters went through many dark nights of the soul. Even Jesus allegedly wailed to God from the cross, "Why have you forsaken me?"
It's perfectly okay to yell, scream, wail, lament, punch your mattress, and cry your eyes out until they're too raw to touch and to cry so hard that your nose bleeds, when you go through this spiritual cleansing. It hurts. It feels like you have been sent to hell. You feel absolutely no love and you do feel that the Divine has forsaken you. However, God has not abandoned you, but has lead you to the places of your deepest wounds and asks you to heal those wounds. It's not easy, not pretty, and most people avoid this messy process. But without this death, there is no rebirth, and without rebirth there is no ascension. If you forgo this process (I didn't have a choice), you miss out on removing veils of illusions and delusions. You miss out on true wisdom, that you will never receive from books or classes.
You can pay gurus and teachers tons of money, attend every spiritual workshop and retreat possible, and pose with all the other new age folks, but this in itself will not lead you to ascension. The problem with all these gurus, and I have fallen prey to this myself, is that they feed you their reality. You must remember that they're not God and I think it's best to run from the ones who don't give you the tools to heal yourself because they foster co-dependence otherwise.
I know following intuition is not easy. It does involve training and if you can find a teacher to help you work with your intuition, then that is a good match. And there is nothing wrong with getting information from intuitives when you feel stuck, just don't make this a bad habit. If you allow others to feed you and your ego, you'll never evolve spiritually. You'll wonder why you feel stuck and it's because you buried your feet in the deep mud of your ego and your need for constant approval and validation. Get over yourself already.
When you do find the right teachers, they'll lead you through the dark tunnel first. They'll lead you to your wounds, not so you can stay stuck there analyzing your experiences or spending too much time reliving past lives, but so that you can do the dirty work or really, holy work and heal those wounds. And the way to do that is to feel them and release them. I've never known any painless meditation or tool to heal those wounds. There are some teachers using mantras to delete old beliefs, patterns, etc...but I find that this is not working for me. No, sorry, you got to do the work. There is no magic pill you can take either. You're going to feel the pain and then release it.
So you find yourself or your soul impaled on the rocks. You wonder at this point how you will ascend when you feel paralyzed by your grief, anger, and heavy emotions that you were not permitted to feel in the past. These emotions are now coming out for you to transmute them into personal power. First, you feel them, then you release them, then you engage in the long forgiving process which releases a lot of baggage. Only then will you ascend.
Sadly, you can't take anyone with you. You'll leave loved ones behind. You might lose friends who can no longer relate to you, you might lose your low frequency job and anything that doesn't connect with your higher vibration. Yet, you gain self-love, self-understanding, and wisdom unimaginable. You finally kiss the hem of God, realizing that you are part of God and then you have ascended.